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Location: Texas, USA

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When Your Spouse Always Gets Their Way

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There has been a flood of clients recently who have presented with similar situations: one spouse has taken control of the relationship from the other spouse. For each couple, the methods are different but the results are usually the same. The spouse who relinquished control is angry, exhausted and wants out of the marriage. Not one of the controlling spouses meant any harm. They admit to strong persuasion tactics but they simply wanted something and used their good negotiating skills to get it. Their spouses however felt very differently in the marriage. They felt harangued. Beaten down. Powerless. They learned a long time ago their spouse would not quit until they “won” arguments or got their way, so they stopped fighting for their own opinion or desires. They learned to “give up to get along” and they lived quietly resentful for years. Their spouses never even knew the damage they had inflicted because none of them spoke up. They just grew more withdrawn and resentful each y...
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Getting Friend Zoned In Your Marriage

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I love you but I’m not IN love with you. I doubt there is a marriage counselor anywhere who hasn’t heard the “I love you but…” statement more times than they could count. Some days I think it is epidemic. In my practice, I find more women come in with this complaint than men, but there have been several men as well. It saddens me because I can tell from their body language they care for each other. They are sitting close or facing each other. The one who says it doesn’t want to hurt their spouse, so this person is reluctant to explain why. The spouse is often devastated and can’t seem to get any answers to the questions of why or how or when. It is really important to see each spouse alone so I can actually find out what is going on. The “I love you but…” spouse usually isn’t going to be openly honest until I do. It all boils down to this one thing I’d like to tell you there is a quick and easy fix for this situation but it is a tough one to deal with–for both partners ...
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Marriage Lessons Learned on the Appalachian Trail

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About this time two years ago, I fulfilled a dream on my bucket list — I walked the Appalachian Trail. My darling sister-in-law encouraged me to do it, and I agreed, setting off with her and a handful of other ladies, with whom I would soon become friends.. Now, before you even ask, no, we didn’t walk the whole 2,200 miles! With a family and a full-time practice, I don’t have the seven months that impressive endeavor takes. Besides, I am anything but an endurance athlete! We started our adventure at the Swift Run Gap Entrance Station and finished 4 days later, at the Thornton Gap Entrance Station. All told, we covered about 45 miles. All uphill. All in the rain. I jest…about the rain, at least. While it wasn’t literally all uphill, it did feel like it to this middle-aged, generally not-athletically inclined therapist! Nevertheless, uphill or not, those four days were a gift to me. Hiking, even with buddies, is a very solitary experience. There is a lot of time to think and r...
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